Waiting

I am having a tough time waiting. Especially the last few days. We should know today or tomorrow if this last round worked....and ahhhhhhh, the waiting is driving me nuts.

This verse just 'popped' in my head:
Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.

There is no doubt for me, that God hears our cries. I feel him...I really do. The calm that comes over me at times that are just so strange. The comfort that I feel in those tough moments. And I know that he knows how we feel. He knows. And that is so much comfort to me.

Isn't it weird that in the toughest times, especially waiting times, that he overwhelms you with just the 'knowing' sense that he does have wonderful things in store. What those are, I have no idea. But it makes me peaceful. But then, a few minutes or hours later, I am worried or anxious and we have to go through this whole process again! But he goes through it with me......that just is amazing to me.

This photo was taken Saturday morning...the 'insemination' day for DG and me. We are praying....it is weird, but the phrase that just came to me later that day as I was praying as "lord, open my womb". You know how sometimes you will think something that you just know you wouldn't normally think? Well, that is how that thought was for me: i knew that it was a thought that God gave me. So I have been praying it ever since.

Day 1

Yesterday was Day 1 for us. Day 1 is probably the most difficult thing for a couple going through ferility treatment to hear...it means, we are starting over again. And for a clergy couple, Day 1 coming on a Sunday is really really tough.

There is a wonderful couple in this church who actually gave us the injectible medication that they had left over from having their twins, and as she came through communion, as I saw her...I just couldn't hold back the tears. She came up to me afterwards with tears just rolling down her face and asked this one question: "what day" and I replied, Day 1. She just hugged me and said something I can't even rememeber, but her heart, I knew. And it gave me just a sense again of god's love and care even in the midst of what feels so....I can't even think of a word that adequately describes what it feels like. Words just fail me. Please pray for DG and I as we start this last round. DG is gone to Colorado speaking at a conference this week, so also say prayers for me as I give myself that shots.

Lord, I know that you are with us, and I know in a strange way that you are holding me. Soothing me. Speaking to me even when I cannot hear you. Crying with us. Give us your wisdom and Lord, please be with others who are silently suffering and lead us to show them your comfort and peace in the midst of something that just hurts. We love you. We Trust you even when it hurts.

This photo is one that DG took at the Via Crucis....isn't he just amazing? This picture really kinda sums up hope for me.