Well, this is my first blog post of 2009 and I have procrastinated because I haven't really known quite what to say. I really love a new year because 1. I get to start a new journal (a new rule that i made for myself. why? Because i like new journals!!!) 2. you can reflect on the past year and dream about the new year 3. organizing!!!! I don't know why i love to organize, or more correctly: to 'think' about organizing but I do!!!
So i've been reflecting on 2008, and where I am now. What can i blog about? Most of my past posts were about our infertility journey and I guess, it almost feels like I need to update my many readers!!! (ha ha)
You know, i've been thinking, processing, writing about where i am on this whole 'baby' journey, and I really do sense God moving me into new territory. Not sure what that territory is, but I really hope that it is the Mommy territory. yet, I do have trepidation (my new word for the day). It is tough for me to get moving on the next steps. Why? There are lots of reasons that are tough for even i to figure out.
Dg and I really have been led by God. It is weird how it happens. We will pray bout what is next and then it seems that we come together and are somehow on the same page. And I explain it this way: sometimes i feel a 'green light': Go this way. Other times, like with the invitro stuff, we get, both of us, a 'red light' sensing. God saying "Stop. Enough. Done." Whatever, but thankfully, we have both sensed it at the same time. Then there is the "yellow light": the waiting time. And I've felt there for a bit. it is tough for me to even know where to go next. We know that we want to adopt, yet, it is overwhelming. Where to begin? Which agency? Where? How? And i've wondered if it is just procrastination or paralasis or just the journey that we need to take to be ready. Maybe we are on a yellow light because we are supposed to be waiting. the time just isn't right yet? So i've kindof asked God to help me to be ok with this time. This waiting time. yet, i get a sense that the light is about to change.