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Monday, May 19, 2008

A new journey

God has been doing things in our lives the past few weeks that are tough to even know where to begin to write them down. The last fertility treatments didn't work, and we were actually accepted to take part in an invitro trial, which would have been MUCH cheaper than invitro ($20,000). But after much prayer, wrestling, thinking, praying more...DG and I really felt deep in our souls that God wants us to adopt. check out DG's blog for more on that struggle: Needless to say, it was tough and we cried alot (actually on Mother's Day was when we just 'knew' what God was leading). The main thing that we struggled with was what to do with the leftover embryos and found that none of the options were ok with us or with God, especially. We just couldn't seem to find a peace about itall. But when we thought about adoption, as DG so beautifully put it, our hearts leapt for joy at the thought of it.

I am still trying to wrap my heart and mind around it all. The grief. The struggling. The joy. The peace. The moments where I just feel sad about the baby we can't have, and then the moments of anticipation about the baby we will have. It is just strange. yet, we feel at peace......

Thank you for your prayers. We have felt them. Some people ask me 'why'...why after all the prayers were we not able to get pregnant. Was it just not God's will? My answer to that is: God never promised us that we would get pregnant. Do I think that God coudl make me pregnant? Yes. Do i think that since we didn't get pregnant that it was God not doing it? No. Do those two thoughts make sense, but that area in between is what I have come to know is faith. I don't understand, but I do trust God. Totally, more now than ever. Why? Because I know who he is and that he loves us completely. And that, I guess is where it has all come down for us. And we feel peace with that. And ready for our new journey.


Blogger Emily Suzanne Sims said...

Tiffany! This is such a beautiful way to put it all! I just want you to know that I LOVE YOU!! I wish we could talk through this over some coffee like we used to. :( But we're so excited about the new journey God has you guys on!!! I want you to know that I'm right by your side through all of this... if not in person, then in Spirit!!! My sweet, sweet friend... you do know I love you, right?

7:56 AM  

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