Tiffany's workshop:)

I love to knit: it's no secret! As I finish projects, I want to start keeping pictures of them, mainly, because I forget what I made and who I gave it to. The other day, a friend was wearing a scarf that I made and I honestly couldn't remember making it...now that is sad:) so here is one my creations that I made for my friend, Susan. I really loved the colors and it was cheerful and bright like her:)

Edna Gladney here we come!!!

I've wanted to update this blog more faithfully but the news just seems to keep coming so fast! So here is the update on the HOllums adoption adventure:

We, after much prayer and chewing and waiting and more praying, felt led to go with the Edna Gladney adoption agency based out of Ft. Worth. We sent in our information sheet last week and received an email two days later that we were accepted and the next step was to come to Ft. Worth for an adoption orientation.

We are flying down to Ft. Worth on May 14th and will attend the adoption orientation May 15th. Wow....it is just amazing how quickly this is all going. It seems like we were in a perpetual waiting pattern for so long that now my head is still spinning.

I was telling my mom that going from absolutely no hope of getting pregnant to knowing that we will adopt a baby sometime is just huge! Honeslty, it could be tomorrow or 50 years from now, but we know that this is the way that God wants us to go, and that sooner or later we will hold a baby! That just boggles my mind. I really think that we will be in a state of shock for some time...but's a good state of shock!

Thank you for your prayers and love and support and presence: we can feel them. WE love you and thank God for such a loving family around us. this is your journey too...that is one thing that is so amazing about this...we are ALL expecting. Thank you for being on this adventure with us.

The Expectant Knitter

Dg and I were on our Borders magazine reading extravaganza date (:) ) and I found this intriguing book called the Expectant Knitter by Marie Connolly. I just love making gifts for friends having babies: it has been quite cathartic and also a great way to love on others and join in on their joy. I feel fruitful when i knit or crochet for someone. So, I picked up this book looking for some neat ideas of blankets to make for my pregnant friends, and was so surprised to read this little note in the book:

"What if I'm adopting a baby? This process can be frustrating and confusing but definitely worth the effort...prepare to wait. This step is difficult. Waiting periods can range from 6 months to 5 years. Just remember your waiting for a precious gift, and in the end it is worth it. Think of all the knitting you'll get done."

This just made me smile. I wrote it down in my pink catch all journal to blog. I still haven't started knitting 'our' babies' blanket...but baby steps, right? I'm smiling and treasuring the thought in my heart for a bit.

Expecting

DG and I requested information from 2 adoption agencies on Monday. We had looked at other agencies, but those doors closed in various ways. So, we've chewed and prayed and looked and decided to send out for information from Edna Gladney and Graceworks in Cincinnati. We got an email back from Graceworks that they are no longer doing adoptions. It is strange how these 'doors' just get closed.....almost like God is guiding us!!!

STill pray for us as we discern exactly where God needs us to search for our baby. We need to settle on an agency before we can really start officially on this journey, but it really does feel a tiny bit like we are expecting.

I know for me, today, I battled with emotions that were tough to pinpoint. Was I sad? Frustrated? Grieving still? Worried? Excited? Scared? Yes. I think that at each point in this journey, with each step--i still find that it is almost as if I reopen a trunk that has the dust the flies up when it's opened. The hurt and grief and disappointment resurface. Not quite as acute, but there none the less. Once I figured that out, I felt much better. It is so tough to articulate. Those defenses start to come up as people, with much love and care in their responses, say just the perfectly wrong thing. Like: You can have my kids. I want to say: Really, ok, because they will be much cheaper than what we are looking at. Or just adopt and then you will get pregnant...and just this visceral thing pops up in me thinking....please don't go back there. There are times when I just with this weren't part of the stitching on our quilt, you know? Yet, I know, Lord, that you are making it beautiful....help us to just hold onto that. I guess I just have to let go of the notion that just because we are starting a new journey, that the other leg of the journey will just go away. It is our history and I can't expect it to erase...nor would I want it to.

We are expecting.

yellow light

Well, this is my first blog post of 2009 and I have procrastinated because I haven't really known quite what to say. I really love a new year because 1. I get to start a new journal (a new rule that i made for myself. why? Because i like new journals!!!) 2. you can reflect on the past year and dream about the new year 3. organizing!!!! I don't know why i love to organize, or more correctly: to 'think' about organizing but I do!!!

So i've been reflecting on 2008, and where I am now. What can i blog about? Most of my past posts were about our infertility journey and I guess, it almost feels like I need to update my many readers!!! (ha ha)

You know, i've been thinking, processing, writing about where i am on this whole 'baby' journey, and I really do sense God moving me into new territory. Not sure what that territory is, but I really hope that it is the Mommy territory. yet, I do have trepidation (my new word for the day). It is tough for me to get moving on the next steps. Why? There are lots of reasons that are tough for even i to figure out.

Dg and I really have been led by God. It is weird how it happens. We will pray bout what is next and then it seems that we come together and are somehow on the same page. And I explain it this way: sometimes i feel a 'green light': Go this way. Other times, like with the invitro stuff, we get, both of us, a 'red light' sensing. God saying "Stop. Enough. Done." Whatever, but thankfully, we have both sensed it at the same time. Then there is the "yellow light": the waiting time. And I've felt there for a bit. it is tough for me to even know where to go next. We know that we want to adopt, yet, it is overwhelming. Where to begin? Which agency? Where? How? And i've wondered if it is just procrastination or paralasis or just the journey that we need to take to be ready. Maybe we are on a yellow light because we are supposed to be waiting. the time just isn't right yet? So i've kindof asked God to help me to be ok with this time. This waiting time. yet, i get a sense that the light is about to change.

Calling all Prayer Warriors

Hello Dear Friends,
Well, I am asking those I know to pray for me today and tomorrow as I am preaching a sermon titled: God's Wrestling, Round 77 (no significance in the numbers). And I am sharing, finally, the journey that God has brought me and DG down in infertility. Just pray that they hear not about my own personal story or even infertility...but that they hear the hope that Christ has given to us. I am sharing basically how i have come to realize that your hope must be in Christ, not what will happen or not happen, but in his presence with you. This is the stuff that faith is made of. It seems so simple, yet at the end of my thinking it out and wrestling with God, i found the peace that truly has enabled me to move ahead with Christ. Thanks be to God.

A strange leading

This morning I was listening to the radio like I do every morning in the shower and the car, and Laura Ingraham was on, and I got this 'leading'. Now, this happens to me sometimes....I will just know that I am supposed to do something...and I know it is God. HOw, I have no idea, but I just know. Like to give someone a call, or write a letter, or......send a radio talkshow host a baby blanket.

Laura just adopted a girl from Guatemala...Maria. And it just touched me. I guess because DG and I are on the same journey now. Well, I hadn't even thought of it for a few weeks, and then BAM today...I just know that I need to send her this baby blanket that I made that has been sitting in the hall closet for a month or two. I know, I know...sounds crazy, but I love making these blankets, and had this one that I didn't know who it was for. Now i do. I sent her an email and I hope she doesn't think I am crazy! So, pray for Laura and Maria.